Dad's Poems

Thirteen years ago last Friday my dad passed away at the age of 82. Among his treasures I found these two (and several others) poems. I don't know if he wrote them or copied them from somewhere...but they're both quite clever. Dad was a bright, witty man and it wouldn't surprise me to learn he had written them.

They are both on what we used to call "onion skin" paper and I've photographed one a little closer so you can see what his handwriting looked like. I loved it! I will copy the words here for you to read a little easier.

I might tell you both poems are a little strange...the first a little gory perhaps and the second may be a little risque... or at least maybe it was back in Dad's day.

The first one goes like this:

A long time ago I remember it well
Alone in a poor house a maiden did dwell
She lived with her father and mother serene
Her age it was red and her hair was nineteen -

This maid had a lover who close by did dwell
He was humpeyed in both feet and cross backed as well
Said he "fly with me by the light of yon star
For you are the eye of my apple you are" -

"Oh now," said she to him so gently "Be wise
My father would scratch our your nails with his eyes
If you love me you'll bring me to no disgrace"
Cried the maid as she buried her hands in her face -

And when she refused him he knocked down this maid
And quickly he opened the knife of his blade
He then cut the throat of this damsel so fair
And he dragged her around by the head of her hair -

Just at that moment her father appeared
He gazed on his daughter with eyes in his tears
He seized the young man by the hand with his throat
And shot him with a horse pistol raised from a colt -

And the second one:

When the Lord made Adam, they say he laughed and sang,
And sewed him up the belly, with a little piece of whang.

But when the Lord had finished, He found He'd measured wrong,
He found the whang He'd sewed him with was several inches too long.

He said tis but 8 inches so I guess I'll let it hang,
So He left on Adams belly that little piece of whang.

But when the Lord made Mother Eve I'll bet that He did snort,
When He found the whang He'd sewed her with was several inches short.

It leaves an awful gap said He, but I don't give a dang
She can fight it out with Adam for that little piece of whang.

So every since that ancient day when human life began
There's been a constant strife betwixt woman and the man.

The women swear they'll have that piece that on our bellies hang
To fill that awful hole of theirs, where the Lord ran out of whang.

So let us not be selfish boys with what the women lack
But split 50-50 on the whang to fill that awful crack.

For the good Lord never intended it should always idle hang
When He left on Adams belly that little piece of whang.


My guess would be these have been around at least since the 1940's or 1950's.. hope you enjoyed them and weren't offended.