Humor - yet not.....

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler

I'm Callin' It Spring!

The forsythia is in full bloom now. Surely this
means spring is definitely here.

I set up the fish-less pond today and got the pump running. I routed it through a big stone-like turtle. So now I have a turtle up-chucking into the pond. Not my favorite scenerio, I'll admit. It may require changing ... soon. But at least it's a start.

I have only one large clump of pampas grass left to be cut down, and plan to do that maybe this coming weekend so it'll be in next week's polycart.

Yard's getting greener...and I'm seeing more and more weeds and dandelions and something I think is chickweed. Going to have to spray this weekend too maybe.

M&M's and Mighty Merle

After a trip to Missouri on Monday (down and back, right at 12 hours of driving), with plenty of time to contemplate my misery - a memory trip if you will, I've come to some conclusions. One being that I should never mix M&M's and Merle Haggard for a long road trip. Some of Mighty Merle's words sure provided "mental fat to chew on." I particularly like "I'll be a hero when I strike"...and "You can't love me and still love to hurt me..."

Then today two of my cousins were in town and as we ran around enjoying Roy's BBQ and Stutzman's Nursery and Glenn's Bulk Food Store we had some pretty intense conversations. One of the comments made to me was that my "situation" was like the snake story. So after listening to a brief description, I looked it up on line. Here are the words to the song in question:

On her way to work one morning
Down the path along side the lake
A tender hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake
His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew
"Poor thing," she cried, "I'll take you in and I'll take care of you"
"Take me in tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake
She wrapped him all cozy in a comforter of silk
And laid him by her fireside with some honey and some milk
She hurried home from work that night and soon as she arrived
She found that pretty snake she'd taken to had been revived
"Take me in, tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake
She clutched him to her bosom, "You're so beautiful," she cried
"But if I hadn't brought you in by now you might have died"
She stroked his pretty skin again and kissed and held him tight
Instead of saying thanks, the snake gave her a vicious bite
"Take me in, tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake
"I saved you," cried the woman "And you've bitten me, but why?
You know your bite is poisonous and now I'm going to die"
"Oh shut up, silly woman," said the reptile with a grin
"You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in
"Take me in, tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake.

Can't say that I necessarily agree that this fits my situation, but I can "see where you're coming from"....

I think probably this post should end here. (And I promise...no more posts on this subject.)

My Never Do List

A number of years ago I wrote a poem (one of many, I'm afraid) that I would love to print here. I know there are several politically incorrect statements and some edging on obscene (and perhaps some that are downright obscene), so if you're sensitive to this type of material, turn away. This wasn't a particularly good weekend for me (although extremely educational and enlightening), so either skip it or suffer through it. These were my sentiments probably 15-20 years ago...and this weekend has reminded me how entirely true some of those still are. It's entitled:

My Never-Do List

Dopers, ropers, redheads and blondes
Married men, Mexicans, black guys and cons
Smokers and choir boys, men with a fist
This just begins my "Never Do List."

I don't want a man who's skinny or lean
Or one that's just plain damned mean
Give me a man that's kind of plump
With a tool that isn't just merely a stump.

I'd like a man with hair on his face
A man who knows how to make my heart race.
I'd like a man to make me smile,
Somebody that's actually worth my while.

Bring me a man a little stocky
Fun, yet pleasant, and not too cocky.
Send me a man a little thick
With a sense of humor and wit that's quick.

I like 'em ornery and full of shit
The kind that know when to chomp at the bit
Send me a "big boy" - that lights up my eyes
Who doesn't see me as "one of the guys."

I don't want a sissy or loudmouth or slut
Or a man who keeps eyein' another man's butt
You ask me why I'm doing without,
"Cause they're all ASSHOLES!!" I'll say with a shout.

It can't be me. I'm precious and sweet
Can't understand why I don't have men at my feet.
You'd think they'd be humble and grovel and beg,
Kiss my shoes, try to crawl up my leg.

But that just doesn't happen. I don't have a clue.
I've blamed my age, my weight, and my "do."
Am I too picky? Am I too proud?
Is it 'cause I get drunk and dirty and loud?

I don't mean to sound bitter or nasty and cold
But again I'll repeat what you've already been told.
When it comes to men and meeting my goals
I've got this problem 'cause they're all ASSHOLES!!


Ok...so maybe I won't make it to the Poets' Hall of Fame....and maybe those of you who know me will say I'm too old to react this way...and maybe some will realize this is why I'm still single and surely always will be.

Why is it that men seem to have a need to either lie and cheat, or dominate. I find that those who aren't doing the first two are usually doing the third one, and vice-versa.

I hope your weekend was better than mine. BUT.....I am counting my blessings. I asked the right questions at the right time......and.....I'm not in jail for maiming anyone!!!!! (And I guarantee he NEEDED maiming!!!!!!)

Onward and upward!!!!

Oops...Driver Error???

Here's a shot of K61 Highway earlier today. As I was on my way to Salina, traffic was stopped and directed around this semi that was crosswise on the highway. The cab was pretty severely jack-knifed and there was a large tow truck on the other side.

North bound traffic had to use the crossroad on the west side (the on-coming traffic side) in order to get around.

I figured the highway patrolman was delighted to see me taking pictures....but even more delighted that I was also talking on the phone. My sister (who I was talking to) suggested that when he stopped me I should just tell him I was the press and rushing to get this story turned in! Yeah, right!

It didn't appear that anyone was injured and no other vehicles were involved that I could see....but it sure looked like the trucker was in a tough spot.

And THAT'S Customer Service!!!!!

Have you ever done business with a place that just makes you happy? I have! Just today, in fact! A few years ago I "developed issues" with a local Hutchinson-based business and decided to take my business elsewhere. Close friends in Salina suggested a place in Salina that I might like. From Hutchinson to Salina is about 55 miles one way, but I've found it's so well worth the trip.

I've taken my bike there several times now, and NEVER have I been disappointed or upset. It is so nice when every time, they are the ultimate pleasant, humorous, informative, and educated people.

My bike has been deciding to shift "on its own", so today I decided it was time to take it to the experts. I won't name the local establishment, but I would just about bet that had I taken it to that place, I wouldn't have gotten it back for close to a week and the tab would have been a minimum $40. Today I once again went to Bike Tek in Salina....I waited and enjoyed wonderful conversation while he worked on my bike....awesome!!!! Then when he was finished and we stood and chatted for a few minutes, he asked about the seat on my bike...any problems/pains I had when riding, etc. Before it was over, he adjusted the seat (twice in fact, with me taking test rides in between times). Much, much, much better feeling!!! Education and experience is wonderful! Then to top it all off, when I asked for the bill, he said, "No charge!" Holy Cow!!!!! How can he do that!?!?!?!

So....this is my recommendation for Bike Tek in Salina, Kansas. Just around the corner north on Ohio at Crawford and Ohio streets. I fully intend to give them absolutely ALL of my business and truly feel they deserve to be supported. It's so nice to find a place that "gets it!!!!"

So...bottom line...if you're looking for a bicycle shop that treats you right and knows their stuff, try Bike Tek!!!! Great people!!!!! I highly recommend them!!!

Git 'Er Done!!

While out applying the Turfbuilder to the backyard today (I did the front yard last week) I spotted this lonely little flower...all alone...no brothers or sisters...only dead foliage from last year. But I told him he was cute and I was glad to see him. I'm sure that made him feel better.

Honestly, I'm not sure the Turfbuilder with crabgrass preventer is the right thing to use on my yard. If it truly prevents crabgrass, I may not have a yard...especially the backyard!






Today's been a busy day. Errands this a.m., then home and washed my dirty, dirty car, then decided to do a little yard work. I'd already cut down the five small pampas grass/fountain grass clumps last week, so today I tackled three of the bigger mid-range ones. That fence line is lookin' pretty good. (Well...other than this picture makes it look like the fence is leaning...and it's not really.)











And then there's only these two left....ONLY these two. I have a feeling one will completely fill a polycart..so it'll probably take me a couple of weeks to get rid of these. By then it'll hopefully be time to start planting cannas and elephant ears..if I didn't lose them by leaving them in the garage too long and freezing them.


I'm so anxious for spring to bring some light, growing, alive things around the yard! Seems like it's really been a long winter. But the snow a couple of days ago pretty much missed us and today it's 60-some degrees. My sister at Joplin said they had about 11 inches of snow and they're further south than we are, so I'm feeling pretty grateful for that! Again...count your blessings!

Regarding "Dorothy Animal"

OK....now he's calling her "Dorky Hamill" and "Dorky Animal".....and the worst of it is, she's enjoying it.

Dorothy Hamill or Is It "Dorothy Animal"?

Here's a photo of Schiz that I took on Monday...
pretty hairy little critter!










Ok....here's the "new improved version" of Schiz! When my groomer called to say she was ready to go, she said, "You won't recognize her...she looks like Dorothy Hamill!"

For a long time I thought Schiz had some weird little quirk, because when we were out walking or even when she was just in the backyard by herself, whenever she found a spot to "go", she would begin to nod her head kind of funny...first one way and then the other. Then one day when my sister and I took her walking she began the head nodding routine, and I told Jude how weird it was and what a strange little quirk it was, and Jude watched and started laughing and said, "That's because she's stepping on her own ears!!!!" AND SHE WAS!!!!

So today I told Gretchen (the groomer) to trim her way down...including the ears and tail. Gretchen won't take any off ears or tail unless it's requested! And this is the finished product.

When my son came in at noon he said she was goofy looking...and I threw out the Dorothy Hamill comment, so he started calling her "Dorothy Animal". Personally I like it (the haircut, not the nickname)...of course, I realize how much less dog hair and tangles and ears with dogfood stuck to them there will be. She's got a little "pinkness" showing...but that's due to new haircut and bath.

A trip to the vet later this afternoon to get her annual heartworm check and future meds and have one ear checked (it's a little too pink!)....and she's good to go for another six weeks. Right now she's tired...too much activity too early in the day for her, but by evening she'll probably be roaring around here. Usually once she get all that hair off of her she's pretty spry (now there's a word that shows my age!!).

(That third picture looks weird...that whitish blob over her left ear is a big white bowl standing on edge behind her...she's really not deformed!)

Later.......

One More Day - No More Blooms

I was just sure that today the Forsythia bush would be all yellow. It isn't. Today was another pretty sunshiny day (at least in the afternoon), but no new yellow blooms. I ran the sprinklers for about 30 minutes this a.m. and later in the day found a big fat toad floating/swimming in the fish-less pond. I thought at first he was dead, but when I poked him with a piece of wood he squeaked. So I positioned a rock and a piece of driftwood so that he could get out if he wanted out. Later I decided to go bail the "winter water" (just a tiny bit) out of the pond and was doing just fine: removed the rock, removed some old leaves, but when I started to move the piece of driftwood that I'd put up for the toad to use, he was under it and squeaked at me again. I finally "negotiated" his departure (I don't touch toads!). Schiz found him interesting....but when warned to leave him alone, she just stood back and watched. I finally opened the gate so he would go out into the other part of the yard.

In yesterday's blog I mentioned that I was going to go rake the front yard. Started doing that to find not much was getting removed...so I dropped the blade a notch and fired up the mower. Mowed the front and back yards...sure looks better. Maybe tomorrow while Schiz is at the groomer's, I'll get the Turf Builder stuff applied.

A friend of mine got a new tv (actually she got TWO new tv's) and offered me her older one (which is still newer than any of mine). Of course, I accepted. I went over today to pick it up and was joking that I might need the armoire to go with it....and she said, "Well, it's for sale!" She quoted me a price and I said, "Consider it sold!" My son and I were going to go after it tonight, but he got sidetracked and we didn't get there. We plan to go tomorrow night. I'll have to get some photos posted. I think I got quite a buy!

That's all for tonight....count your blessings! Bye!